[blockquote source=”Pema Chödrön”]“If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazy, can be our teacher.” [/blockquote]
I watched an elderly couple having coffee on the terrace this morning. I had stopped off for coffee at one of my favorite community ‘gathering spots’ – a little cafe, where stories are swapped just as easily as the cappuccinos are foamed.
Like me, they were there to enjoy the morning bustle ~ and perhaps, catch up on the lesser ‘news’ of our community.
But, as she chattered on and on, I watched his head keep gentle nod.
“You never listen to me,” she cowed, lips pursed in disgust. “And, where did you get that shirt? I tossed that old rag out weeks ago.”
I watched as he held back his tongue. Time had long forced this routine, and experience had worn its creases deeply along his face.
Why are we always so quick to criticize? What motivates these moments in which our entire world collapses into a single, and horribly irritating reference point?
Oh, and don’t you try to hide from it, either. We all do it – those instances when patience yields its path to the ‘uglier’ side of our rather fragile human nature.
At home…at work…in traffic…something triggers our emotions. And, with near pinpoint precision – we respond.
It seems, criticism has become the means by which we distance ourselves from the reality of our own imperfection. It helps us to transfer this burden of feeling so very much overwhelmed.
We fear being held in contrast, frightened by that which we can not feel ourselves.
“Well, I can’t see it in me, so how can it possibly exist in you?”
My favorite author, and Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön offers brilliant insight,
‘We have a strong tendency to distance ourselves from our experience because it hurts, but the dharma provides encouragement to move closer to that experience.
On the other hand, everything you say and do and think can support your desire to communicate, to move closer and step out of this myth of isolation and separateness that we’re all caught in.
Taking this kind of responsibility is another way of talking about awakening bodhichitta, because part of taking responsibility is the quality of being able to see things very clearly. Another part of taking responsibility is gentleness, which goes along with not judging but rather looking gently and honestly at yourself.
There is also the ability to keep going forward. You can just keep on going; you don’t have to get frozen in an identity as a loser or a winner, the abuser or the abused, the good guy or the bad guy. You just see what you do as clearly and as compassionately as you can then go on. The next moment is always fresh and open.”
Perhaps, this is the key? To move closer towards a more intimate understanding of self, and with that – a deepened appreciation and respect for all that we see within.
And, these feelings like disappointment, anger…sadness, mistrust, and rage? They begin to find purpose, and that purpose is healing.
And that, my dears, is the lesson in the stop off for coffee this morning.
Much love, and many blessings ~ and a special namaste, to the gentleman who purchased my coffee 🙂
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