[blockquote source=”Pema Chodron”]”It isn’t the things that are happening to us that cause us to suffer, it’s what we say to ourselves about the things that are happening. That’s where the suffering comes from.[/blockquote]

I was feeling rather distressed the other day. A matter at work had bubbled over, and in the process, completely usurped my overall sense of well-being.

I was angered by the prejudice of the situation, and hurt by the unfair choices which were subsequently made.

People are always a little put off in learning of my upset. My nature is generally one of calm demeanor, however, every once in a while…something triggers me.

It’s a wretched feeling, isn’t it? To be nearly ‘swallowed whole’ by the uncertainty of these chest-tightening circumstances?

And, it can happen at any given moment, too – someone criticizes you, or they disagree with what you have to say. How does it feel? And, more importantly, what is your response?

For many of us, these situations evoke a terribly uncomfortable feeling. Our instinct, is to deflect..to defend..to force distance between…but, it never really goes away until we’ve had our moment to sit with it.

There is a Tibetan word to describe this impulse – ‘shenpa’ – which, loosely translated means ‘hooked.’ It’s intended to describe our tendency to shut down just as we’re being triggered, to go no further into that which we very much need to explore.

Shenpa has a ‘stickiness’ about it.  Like the gum at the bottom of our ‘spiritual shoe’, it is undeniably present within our every step.

Shhttck…shhttck…shhttck….

Isn’t it amazing how one minor annoyance can build to such an overwhelming rage? Shenpa is the proverbial mosquito in the room – incessant in its attempts to pull us farther from self.

And, we will go to any lengths to relieve our discomfort. But, the relief is generally short-lived – as, we fall back into those very same habits that caused our suffering in the first place.

In his book “The Myth Of Freedom”, Tibetan teacher, Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche makes a clear delineation between pain and suffering.

“We all experience negativity-the basic aggression of wanting things to be different than they are. We cling, we defend, we attack, and throughout there is a sense of one’s own wretchedness, and so we blame the world for our pain. This is negativity. We experience it as terribly unpleasant, foul-smelling, something we want to get rid of.

But if we look into it more deeply, it has a very juicy smell and is very much alive. Negativity is not bad per se, but something living and precise, connected with reality.”

In other words, all emotions, including negativity – can become our most powerful tool. And, within each feeling – a potentially invaluable lesson.

[blockquote source=”Pema Chödrön'”]”What we really need to do is address things just as they are. Learning to recognize shenpa teaches us the meaning of not being attached to this world.”[/blockquote]

It’s when we learn to stay with our own adversity – to not be so quick to run away, that we finally begin to grow.