[blockquote source=”His Holiness the Dalai Lama”]”The very purpose of spirituality is self-discipline. Rather than criticizing others, we should evaluate and criticize ourselves. Ask yourself, what am I doing about my anger, my attachment, my pride, my jealousy? These are the things we should check in our day to day lives.”[/blockquote]

I saw a young man leaving a store the other day. His eyes were fixed with the rage of this world, and his swagger seemed intent upon a fight.

And as he staggered along the sidewalk’s edge, I could see that something much bigger was coming. He wasn’t just looking for a fight, my dears ~ he was looking for his reason to be angry.

We’ve all been there before, now haven’t we? All this pent up emotion inside, bridled with the desperation of simply wanting to release it.

Oh, and we’re clever humans, now aren’t we? We’ll quarrel, we’ll fuss…we’ll carry on…all in the hopes of staving off the discomfort to follow. And though, we may feel our reaction to be genuine – in time, we may recognize there is always a much deeper meaning.

I watched as the young man stepped in front of the next car, slamming his hands furiously upon the hood. “What’s the matter with you, man?” he shouted as the driver sped off.

There it was – his ‘reason.’

As much as we hate to admit it, we are creatures of habit. Even our most profound emotional upsets, follow form to our past behaviors. And, just as I had predicted this young man’s outburst – so, too, have I noted the same of myself.

When we pay attention, we can see that our reactions are just as predictable as our actions.

“When we’re hurt, scared, furious, or jealous, we don’t have to figure out how to show it. Our emotional triggers are set; they go off in the same ways again and again, carrying us to the same places every time. If we have a habit of blaming, we accuse. If we have a habit of withdrawing, we disappear. If we have a habit of controlling, we threaten.” – Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche

And though, we may see these patterns so clearly in others; for ourselves, we may suffer a bit of ‘blind spot.’ And, even when we’re aware of our blind spots, it doesn’t necessarily stop our emotional trigger from being pulled.

So then, what can be done?

According to Dzongen Ponlop Rinpoche, the answer begins with a pause.

“If we can just stop and remain in that space for a moment — without any answers or judgments — we have a chance to connect with the wakeful qualities of our emotions and hear their message. Especially in crises of the heart, our emotions are the first responders, but if we jump to conclusions too soon, it’s like we’re ignoring their instructions. They’re trying to tell us which pathways are clear, and where the emergency exits are (this way to insight, that way to humor — and if all else fails, leave before you do something you’ll regret). If we don’t pause and listen to our emotions, we might just end up running back and forth inside a burning building.”

When we bring awareness to this raw, natural state – we begin to see more clearly where we may be clinging. Our anger, may be a reflection of past hurts; our upset, a reaction to never being heard.

It’s in these thoughts that the lesson truly begins. When we can begin to fully understand ourselves, we can connect to the more meaningful aspect of life…

That is a life that is brimming with love.