[blockquote source=”Sylvia Boorstein“]“There are no human enemies only confused people needing help.”[/blockquote]

I remember listening to a news story once on the radio, concerning a bomb that had been detonated within miles of a children’s preschool.

Understandably, there was much emotion over a tragedy of this caliber. News agencies were flooded with ‘expert’ opinions – psychologists, political analysts, religious leaders all desperate to make sense of the inexplicable.

And, in the absence of understanding, fear claimed its unrelenting hold.

“Terrorists,” shouted one radio announcer.

“They should all be executed,” cried another.

There’s something that happens in these moments of unresolved fear. As we struggle to find justification and reason, our thoughts may begin to creep just slightly outside of ourselves.

And, not too soon thereafter blame assumes fear’s place.

I’ve never understood why we blame, as blame forces opposition and duality. It tightens the space where mutual understanding might form.

I’m reminded of a passage by Buddhist Monk, Thich Nhat Hanh – from his book, Peace in Every Step:

“When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you don’t blame the lettuce. You look for reasons it is not doing well. It may need fertilizer, or more water, or less sun. You never blame the lettuce. Yet if we have problems with our friends or family, we blame the other person. But if we know how to take care of them, they will grow well, like the lettuce.”

And yet blaming is often far too enticing. When we blame, we reduce the complexity of the situation. We transition the responsibility of understanding to another. Likewise, and at a much deeper level, we are transferring the burden of our own emotional response.

Though, probably the most spiritually limiting aspect of blame, is that it forces a space for our own ‘narrative’ to grow. We can create a story line that permits and even justifies our reaction. We may resort to threats of violence, and actions ‘necessary’ to ‘teach them a lesson.’

But blame, my darlings, is a never-ending game.

Within Buddhism, there is this image of deep, internal knots – which are caused by miscommunication, fear, and overall misconceptions. We feel them as a debilitating ‘tightening’ within our chest – constricting the freedom of our movement.

These ‘knots’ are what bring about our suffering, and cause us to act in ways that may cause injury to others. Through mindfulness, we may begin to untangle these knots. In doing so, we are opening the channels for life to flow more easily through us.

The Buddha taught that seeing ourselves as ‘separate’ is a delusion. When we blame, we create separation – making it more difficult to reach a mutual understanding.

And, in the absence of understanding we drift further into blame.

Seeing through the delusion of this separation is what truly empowers us, as it forces us to acknowledge the truth in the energy we are experiencing.

Eight-century Buddhist Monk, Shantideva once asked, “If somebody hits us with a stick, with whom do we get angry? Do we get angry with the person or do we get angry with the stick?”

Naturally, we would get angry with the person, not the stick – as, it was their energy that caused us this injury in the first place. But, what if the person wielding the stick may have likewise been manipulated? Though, in this sense perhaps by the destructive patterns of their emotions.

As Thich Nhat Hanh so eloquently stated,

“Blaming has no positive effect at all, nor does trying to persuade using reason and argument. That is my experience. No blame, no reasoning, no argument, just understanding. If you understand, and you show that you understand, you can love, and the situation will change.”

It’s only when we’re able to finally let go of this blame, that we can truly begin the process of understanding.

And, where there is understanding – there is love.

Namaste.