The Choice that Begins with You.

When I was a little girl, my mother forced me to wear a woolen winter coat.

She had convinced herself, you see, that with the slightest shifting of breeze, her little one would freeze directly into a human Popsicle.

My mother was just this way; protective beyond all measure of the word, and with a love to reach the ends of this earth.

Oh, but how I hated that dreadful coat.

It was itchy and stiff and restricted all movement. Not to mention, it attracted snow like the tail end of a Coton De Tulear.

And, though – I’d feign initial compliance; rest assured – just as soon as my little boots would fade from view – I’d find a way to slip out of that winter ‘straight jacket.’

I think old habits can sometimes feel this way – uncomfortable and stiff – like an old winter coat, threatening to steal away our joy.

Our tendency is to pull away – to back away from the intensity of the emotion. We try to fix, to modify, to improve…and yet, in adding ‘more’ we end up with ‘less.’

And, just why do you think that is?

The Buddha taught that we should remain open and joyful irrespective of our circumstances. To avoid the old behaviors which only serve to reinforce that pain.

But, stuff a willful wee-wanderer into an ‘old winter coat’ – and well, just sit back and see what happens.

“Have you ever had an itch and not scratched it?” asks beloved Buddhist nun, Pema Chödrön. “In the Buddhist tradition, this points to a vast paradox: that by refraining from our urge to scratch, great peace and happiness is available.”

It’s hard to imagine, though, isn’t it? That by sticking it through for just a short while longer, we might actually realize a greater sense of peace.

Sometimes, I think we get ‘stuck’ on those short-term solutions. We don’t have the time, the patience, or the wherewithal – to disentangle ourselves from old habits.

We want to feel better, quickly.

And so, we succumb to those same old, tired habits. As soon as we feel the itch, we scratch.

“There was a story that was widely circulated a few days after the attacks of September 11, 2001, that illustrates our dilemma. A Native American grandfather was speaking to his grandson about violence and cruelty in the world and how it comes about. He said it was as if two wolves were fighting in his heart. One wolf was vengeful and angry, and the other wolf was understanding and kind. The young man asked his grandfather which wolf would win the fight in his heart. And the grandfather answered, ‘The one that wins will be the one I choose to feed.'”

Indeed, the habit which wins is the one we choose to feed. And, it begins by placing a little ‘pause’ in between – in between our ‘right now’ emotional reaction, and that potential for inner-peace.

“This choice” offers Ani Pema “and the attitudes and actions that follow from it, are like a medicine that has the potential to cure all suffering.”

And, did you know – my dearest darlings…that this choice, it begins with you.

About

Tara Lemieux is a mindful wanderer, and faithful stargazer. Although she often appears to be listening with great care, rest assured she is most certainly‘forever lost in thought. She is an ardent explorer and lover of finding things previously undiscovered or at the very least mostly not-uncovered.

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