About Forgiveness.

I once met a woman whose only child had been killed in a drive by shooting. Just 14 years-old, and for no other reason than ‘wrong place, wrong time.’

The grief she felt in the months following was a level of overwhelmed most will thankfully never know. To simply wake each day, to take that next breath and step boldly back into the world – was a testimony to her own personal strength and will.

When I met her, she was giving a lecture on forgiveness – having known the process only too well herself.

“I met him first at the prison,” she said. “As part of a program to unite victims and survivors.” Her voice broke as the emotion welled. “I wanted to hate him,” she continued. “I really did. But, when I looked into his eyes I saw a scared, young boy.”

She went on to describe the connection she felt; that of tremendous loss swinging on the hinge of one single action. For the first time, she was able to see through her grief. “I wasn’t ready to forgive, but I was able to understand.” she said.

So many of us struggle with the energy of forgiveness. As ‘good yogis’ we recognize it as a fundamental component of our own spiritual practice. We realize the logic and practicality; that is to say – in letting go we’re finally able to release ourselves.

Though, how do we forgive the seemingly unforgivable? Those instances of uncommon viciousness or inexplicable betrayal where the heart is left an empty shell? Does our forgiveness constitute acceptance of the act?

And, what if we, ourselves, had some involvement in the matter? For this young woman, she struggled with the guilt of sending her only child to the store. “For a carton of milk and some potato chips,” she said.

But, perhaps more importantly – how do we begin the process of forgiveness in the light of so many potentially unanswerable questions?

We tend to view forgiveness as such an ‘all or nothing’ sort of thing. Though, in reality forgiveness is a complicated, multi-facted, deeper heart sort of matter. It requires us to take a risk, to understand – that these emotions of rage, of hate, of worry – only serve to cloud our judgement, to narrow our spiritual aperture.

And, in the end?

We become distrustful, ‘hardened’, and incapable of appreciating the flow of life that courses so graciously through us.

As Buddhists, we’re taught that we must never deviate from the course of ‘right action.’ Though how do we begin to shift our attention from the coarseness of emotion to this energy of complete selflessness?

It’s never easy, is it?

“I wasn’t ready to forgive, but I was able to understand,” she said.

My darlings, perhaps that is the first, most important step? To hold our hearts higher than this terrible wrong and by way of two simple words.

“I understand.”

Through these two simple words, we forsake our anger and embrace the energy of healing instead.

About

Tara Lemieux is a mindful wanderer, and faithful stargazer. Although she often appears to be listening with great care, rest assured she is most certainly‘forever lost in thought. She is an ardent explorer and lover of finding things previously undiscovered or at the very least mostly not-uncovered.

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