Friendship

A Little Something on Friendship.

One of the most powerful passages on friendship occurs in a dialogue between the Buddha and his cousin, Ananda.

“Friendship is merely half the holy life,” Ananda quipped. To which the Buddha replied, “No, Ananda – friendship is the whole of the holy life.”

I was thinking about this passage on my drive in this morning. Specifically, as it pertained to my own interactions with those who I’ve allowed nearest to heart. Friendship is about patience and forgiveness. It’s about relinquishing the needs of ego, and responding with a compassionate hand.

None of us are perfect, my loves. And yet, we expect perfection in each of our interactions. Though, what would life be without the challenge of these moments – in which we are forced to pause, to listen a little more deeply… to understand.

These are the moments in which we grow, my loves. And, hopefully through these interactions – we grow as ‘one’.

Via the Mitta Sutta, we are reminded of the Buddha’s words on friendship:

“A friend endowed with seven qualities
Is worth associating with.
Which seven?
He gives what is hard to give.
He does what is hard to do.
He endures what is hard to endure.
He reveals his secrets to you.
He keeps your secrets.
When misfortunes strike,
He doesn’t abandon you.
When you’re down and out,
He doesn’t look down on you.”

Indeed, friendship gives what is often hardest to give – the willingness to reach through with healing hand.

To me, friendship is the whole of my holy life; it is the means by which I discover and grow.

Though, perhaps author Henri Nouwen summarizes it best;

“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.”

In This Space of Friendship.

Isn’t it amazing, my loves – how we are drawn to one another?

As if this human form instinctively knew what was ‘best’?

Like a flower to the sun, pulling, stretching…yearning to be nearer. Our hearts lean towards an unknown point, like a compass to an endless sun.

Though our lives may be fraught with worry, still there is an inner knowing; an aspect of self, unfulfilled – until we’ve found this space together.

As the poet Rumi once shared, “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

And though these ‘walls’ may seem impenetrable, at times – it is only through another’s heart that we may discover our greatest treasure.

It is this unity which makes us whole; which encourages the soul’s ultimate quest – taking me to places I’ve never known, and…

Sharing this gift of a heart completed.

In peace…

Namaste ❤️

The Mark of Friend.

I remember the first time I met him. He smiled at me from across the way – shy, at first, and ever-mindful of my boundaries.

I don’t know why this moment stands out from the rest, as – throughout the course of these many years, we’ve certainly engaged in far more friendship-deepening experiences. I suppose, perhaps – because, I just didn’t believe it.

I didn’t believe that I was worthy of a friend.

That was 2008, and since then – our friendship has gone through a series of rigorous ‘tests’; tests intended to pierce through the covering of our previous hurt, and cobble together a new sort of existence.

Oh, and didn’t I run away, at first…

I told myself stories, created reasons – though, ultimately, he never strayed. I just couldn’t shake these two paths diverging as one. He showed me things I wasn’t prepared to see, and encouraged me to examine my worth from another’s point of view. In doing so, I finally realized – in order to enjoy the fullness of friendship, I first had to befriend myself.

That was a difficult lesson, I must say.

Why? Because, we have to turn inward – to listen and look deeply. To examine those aspects of self that trigger fear, unrest, unsettledness. And we have to do so through the eyes of compassion; so that we may, in turn, develop the capacity to be a good friend to ourselves and to others.

In order to know friendship, we must first abandon this illusion of self.

“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us,” shares Henri Nouwen “we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.”

Indeed, a true friend will stand resolute in the shadows of our own uncertainty and doubt; and will offer encouragement in the face of all else. They guide us to our ‘edges’, and back again. In doing so, they demonstrate the true meaning of love.

“The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion,” he writes. “who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.”

In other words, a true friend helps us become more of what we already are…

Though, may not yet have realized.

Now, when I count the blessings of friendship, I view from an entirely different scale.

In peace, my loves ~ just a little something to consider on this day.

Namaste ❤️

A Tale of Two Friends.

I’d recently had a falling out with a friend.

The energy of the moment was still so fresh within my heart, a palpable heaviness weighted me down. More so, there was a sense of ‘unresolved’ – another burden to an already difficult circumstance. I was restless under the emotions of ‘needing to fix’ – and, yet?

I couldn’t seem to get there from here.

It reminded me of a story told by my old friend, Gus – a political prisoner ‘interned’ during WWII.

He was born to a well respected Jewish family; his father – a highly decorated German soldier. Gus had been awarded a scholarship to Oxford University, and with that came a single boat passage to freedom.

Instead of taking the pass for himself, he instead shared it with another – “My best friend,” he smiled. “He wouldn’t have done as well.” His friend had been ailing, and dear Gus ‘saw the writing on the wall’ – he saw what the others failed to see.

And then one night, ‘the soldiers came’ – “they broke my nose, but not my heart” he gleamed. His entire family was sent to a German work camp, where they were immediately separated and stripped of all their belongings.

His voice broke as he described the months of torture and the loss of his sister. “She was too young to be of value,” his eyes grew distant as they filled with tears.

But for the grace of one German soldier who would recognized his father, the rest of his family would’ve surely died. Under the cover of night, the guard cut a small hole through a portion of the work camp fence. They then fled barefooted through snow drifts nearly waist deep.

“how could you give away your only chance at freedom?” I asked, dumbfounded at the selflessness.

“Because he was my friend,” he smiled and said. “And, good friends- well, they’re worth the risk.”

In one sentence Gus communicated to me what might have otherwise taken a lifetime to understand – that is, that good friends are priceless in terms of life value.

Whatever the strife, the upset, the unsettledness — in the end, we must ask ourselves…are we willing to lose the joy of their essence?

In an odd twist of fate, Gus one day reunited with his friend. Nearly 40 years later, each walking the same corridor in Charleston, South Carolina.

“Is it you there, my dearest friend,” he cried. And from that point on, they never once missed an opportunity to spend time together.

“Some friendships, they’re just worth the wait,” he winked.

A little something to consider on this day. Come to think of it, I think I’ll leave another message for my dearest friend.

As, some friends have a life value that is truly limitless.

Being Oh So Perfectly You.

“You can’t stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.” – A.A. Milne

I’ve been thinking a lot of friendship lately. We’re always in such a rush, it seems – too impatient to allow the ‘bloom’ to grow.

We wish for things – hope, want, wish and even expect. But, have we so easily forgotten the conditions in which the bonds of friendship are forged?

We desire the security of simply knowing another. Though, to know their heart – we ourselves must be willing to grow…

To take one fearless leap into the shadows of the unknown.

And that can be a scary thing, don’t you think? To be fully exposed in our truest human form?

But, how else can we find those beautiful souls – who’ll love us ‘in spite of’ and ‘no matter what.’

And, it’s not about being perfect all the time. My loves, friendship is about being so perfectly YOU.

Namaste, and much love on this day, my dearest friends – and have I told you lately just how much I adore you?

That Thing Which Makes Our Friendships Grow.

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.” ― Anaïs Nin

I was hurt by the actions of a dear friend yesterday. I had hoped to have cause for a grand celebration, instead – words seemed to intertwine within our space.

And, creating a few ripened ‘bruises’ along the way.

It’s hard when we feel those closest to us have caused us injury. As, aren’t they the ones we’ve entrusted to care for the most vulnerable aspects of our being? But, it happens to the best of friends – now, doesn’t it? Edges are tested, and fresh paths are forged in the wake of new understanding.

“Most of us do not take these situations as teachings,” writes Pema Chödrön. “We automatically hate them. We run like crazy. We use all kinds of ways to escape.”

But, in doing so we relinquish the opportunity to learn from our pain. That’s right – to open it up, just a little deeper, to see what it is that makes our heart come alive.

In walking away – we miss our one true chance of developing a brand new awareness.

Sure, it’s painfully uncertain, and terrifying, at best. But always, my dearest darlings – there is this opening, however slight, to our greatest bliss.

Yes, it hurts when we feel those we love have caused us pain. But, my darlings, isn’t it the case – that the best friends we might ever hope for are the ones who are willing to help us find our way?

Though, sometimes we find ourselves wrapped up tightly in the fabric of words – that we often miss that much greater sentiment.

That is to say… “Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible in us be found.”

And though we may feel injured by the harshness of their words, remember  – these beautiful souls have been entrusted with the care of our own opening up.

And that, my dearest darlings…is indeed a most beautiful thing.

That Moment When Friendship is Formed.

“We cannot tell the precise moment when friendship is formed. As in filling a vessel drop by drop, there is at last a drop which makes it run over; so in a series of kindnesses there is at last one which makes the heart run over.” ― Ray Bradbury

And, my darlings, on this day—that ‘drop’ is you. For, because of you, my heart smiles in new ways each day.

Indeed, we may not always know the precise moment when friendship is formed—but, we can feel it, now can’t we? Just as sure as the light breaks the day. There is no question, no worry, no fear—in an instant, it’s just ‘here.’

Gracing our heart with the warmth of perfection.

Drop by drop, kindness soon rushes over the vessels edge—and, in that moment we understand the depth of our soul’s connection.

Wishing you peace, joy and the spaciousness of true bliss. I bow to you, my dearest friends.

<3

This Moment of Everlasting Connection.

“To know someone deeply,” shares author, Mark Nepo, “is like hearing the moon through the ocean or having a hawk lay bright leaves at your feet. It seems impossible, even while it happens.”

And yet, we have all experienced those moments in which our connection to another is so brilliantly defined. A sudden realization, breaking free, just as surely as that first light of day.

In looking to the eyes of another, we see the tattered remnants of our own past pain. In that moment our suffering becomes shared, as we realize – they’ve been there, too.

Though largely hidden, we’ve all been there. Whether disappointment, fear, upset, sorrow – or, our happiest bliss; we’ve been there, too.

“We carry whole worlds within us,” he continues “as we brush by each other in the supermarket to read mayonnaise jars. The entire drama of life churns in our blood as we rush underground to catch a train. We are always both so known and so unknown.”

It’s this dimension that becomes suddenly ‘known’, in which the greatest of friendships are forged. An inseparable, unbreakable bond – transcending every aspect of our being.

I had one of those moments just the other day, in which the conversation broke to natural pause – enough to say, “I’m so grateful to have you ‘near’.”

And, ‘near’ in a sense that only the heart may know; revealed only through our most cherished connections.

To know someone deeply, my loves – is to be reminded that we’ve all been there, too.

And, it is by far – the greatest treasure here on earth.

 

The Power of One.

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: “What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” ~ C.S. Lewis

I was so very proud of my daughter yesterday evening as we sat curled up and on our couch. We were settling into a night of ‘silly program watching’—something we do together when we feel our energy needs just a little ‘lightening.’

And, then it began—that god-awful buzz, buzz, buzzing of my daughter’s mobile phone text and email alerts.

Irritated, and in order to offer a bit of a ‘nudge,’ I said,

“You have so many friends. Do you know how many I have? Just, one.”

To which she replied, and without missing a beat, “And, do you know how many friends you really need, Mom? Just one…to love.”

Yes, indeed—friendship is not measured in quantity, rather in the brilliance of that just only ‘one.’

It’s in that gentle extension of compassion and acceptance, and the sharing of that most unconditional kind of love.

And the unending offerings of trust and of hope, even when all other paths seem to fail.

But mostly, friendship is that sense of just knowing—knowing there’s no other who will care for you in much the same way.

She’s right, you know, my daughter..that is…all that we ever really need in this life, is that ‘just one’ the one that we love.

“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.” ~ Henri J.M. Nouwen

And so, that’s what the true meaning of friendship is—as told to me by my most brilliantly beautiful daughter.

May we all find our just ‘one’ to love.

 

Bonus Video: The Beatles, All You Need is Love.

The True Meaning of Friendship.

[blockquote source=”Robert Louis Stevenson”]“We are all travelers in the wilderness of this world, and the best we can find in our travels is an honest friend.”[/blockquote]

I had words with a friend the other day.

It was over a matter rather inconsequential, yet found its way through emotions at their peak.

And though, I knew they were spoken from a genuine place of love, still… they left such a swell of uncertainty in their wake.

Uncertainty can be a maddening beast. And, feelings have such a way of charging up our words.

I couldn’t believe that there could be such silliness between us. But, as is the case when uncertainty creeps my instinct was to cling.

And cling to, I did – to every juicy subtlety of every single word. Even the ones we don’t fully believe, can still have a bit of ‘staying power.’

Sometimes, we can become so lost in the dense ‘fog’ of our emotions – that we fail to see that distant light, beckoning us safely back to shore.

And, we forget that it’s only our truest friends who’ll often ask of us those things we’re too afraid to explore.

In that regard, perhaps they are the ones most willing to push us from our proverbial ‘cliffs’ – but, only when they’ve determined it be the very best thing for us.

They force us from the static of our self-imposed status quo.

They teach us that a great life, involves greater risk – but that, we are never too far from the security of their safety net.

They offer us hope, when all seems lost; and caring words, where others have none.

But, more important than anything else, they help us to find the fullness in this, our life’s journey.

Wasn’t it Buddha’s faithful attendant, Ananda, who once asked whether having noble friends wasn’t half of the holy life. To which the Buddha replied, “My dearest, Ananda – do not say such a thing, they are the whole of the holy life.”

I took a little editorial liberty with that translation, but, you get the picture – right? Whatever our life experience, it is a bold reflection of our most cherished friends. And, how gracious to have the gift of their light on a path that seems often overwhelming.

“They are the whole of the holy life.” 

Indeed, for even in the mess of these muddled up words, there is still cause to give rise to celebration.

As, it’s often their light that helps us find our way to it.